Help your kids get along

If you are a parent of more than one child you may find that sibling rivalry adds a great deal of stress to your life. And worse yet unfortunately, by allowing the process of sibling rivalry to work itself out, it adds additional stress to a parent’s life. The key to handling this as a parent is to be aware of the benefits of sibling rivalry and help your child enhance these skills in other positive and productive ways. Some of the skills to enhance the benefits and avoid the pitfalls of sibling rivalry are as follows:

· Always use prevention as your best defense. Since most fighting is a way to draw your attention to them, try to short circuit that from happening in the first place. You will want to incorporate special time with each child. Try to set up schedules, stick to them and make yourself available to each of your kids. You can have your kids go on special outings with each parent and do different things with each child.

· Give your kids a break from each other. If it is at all possible, separate your kids. It is important to let them have time alone while driving, at a friend’s house, visiting relatives, etc. Remember just like adults, kids need their own time and if they get cooped up in the same space for a long time they get irritated.

· Everything is not about sharing. While sharing is an integral point of getting along, often fighting occurs because kids feel out of control. Have your child choose two or three things that are theirs and theirs alone. Put the items on a shelf or in a special box and make it known that these are items that they do not have to share. This way your child feels like he has some control over his things and may be much more likely to share other items with his siblings.

· Always strive to appreciate your kids at all times. At certain times in life this can be more difficult (the teen years for one). Try to notice how often they get along without fighting. Pay special attention to their good qualities and what is unique about each child and remember that it’s their job to work things out, not yours. Remember your job as a parent is to be a role model, promote good feelings, open up clear lines of communication, develop mutual respect, and monitor your kids and their needs.

· Teach your kids to develop problem-solving skills. You want to give your kids the guidelines and skills to solve problems for themselves. Problem solving skills are often one of the things many adults lack. You can ask each kid during a family meeting how he or she can get along better with their sibling. You will want to discuss what things they might need from the other and ways to brainstorm possible solutions to these problems.

· Let go of the perfection expectations. As a parent you need to let go of your urge to worry and your expectation of being a perfect parent. The same thing goes for your kids. Despite all of your best efforts, if you have more than one child, prepare yourself that at some time they will fight and its o.k. It can also be important to learn how to roll with the punches and to ask yourself, “How big of a deal will this be in five years?” Learn how to enjoy life and laugh a little more and your kids will be better for it.

Visit http://www.surfnetparents.com for more For more parenting advice and ideas.

Parenting on the View

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Effects of Single Parenting

Negative Effects of Single Parenting

Normally when people think about the effects of single parenting, they consider only the negative aspects of the situation. While there is a great deal of potential for a child to develop negative effects of being a child in a single parent home, there is also the opportunity for them to thrive as well. One of the most common negative effects that can come from this situation is a decrease in the academic performance of the child. When the child or children have too much to deal with and are not given a good way to vent their frustration or resentment, they will often slack at school in an effort to gain attention or lash out.

Other negative effects of single parenting can include an increased risk of becoming involved in crime, alcohol or drug abuse, and other delinquent behavior that can negatively affect the child’s future. The reason that children of single parents tend to gravitate towards these behaviors is because of a lack of supervision, or because they do not receive the guidance or attention that they needed in order to deal with their feelings and the loss of a parent.

Positive Effects of Single Parenting

The positive effects of single parenting are often less discussed or applauded, but they do in fact exist. When a single parent takes the time to embrace being both a mother and father for their child and does everything within their power to make sure their child or children gets the help they need, then the following positive effects can occur.

Children of single parents have an increased ability to build stronger bonds with their remaining parent. If that parent opens themselves up and allows their child to come to them with any problem they might have, then the child will develop a bond with that parent that allows them to stay on a focused and responsible path.

Those who are raised by a parent that goes out of their way to get the children the emotional help they need after the loss of a parent have the ability to get better grades in school, shine socially, and to excel in all aspects of their lives without succumbing to peer pressure in order to fit in. Counseling after a parent has left or passed on will give a child all of the tools that they need in order to cope and not rebel or fall into detrimental behaviors.

There are both negative and positive effects of single parenting, and both should be considered closely. If a child is give the nurturing attention that they need during this difficult time, then they can steer away from the negative behaviors that they may have fallen prey to, and will be able to excel the same as or better than those from a two parent home.

Becoming a single parent is not an easy task for an individual to accomplish, and it is often a step that they were unprepared for. There are many side effects of single parenting which have the opportunity to both positively or negatively affect an individual. Find out more at http://www.singleparentingguide.com.

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New baby? Don’t forget your partner.

Many times parents are concerned about their relationship when a new child enters into this world. It can be especially challenging for new parents to know what to do and how to do it when there is a new life brought into the relationship when there was once only two people.

It is common for either the new father or new mother to feel left out or “unattended” when new children come into the relationship. This set up becomes unhealthy for the couples when they begin to fight several times a day because of the new setup.

Here are some strategies to handle the new set up with the baby being a part of the relationship.

When you are co-parenting with your spouse it is extremely important that you put that relationship first. When you have children together you must remember that you were first husband and wife (or boyfriend or girlfriend) before you were mom and dad. Too often children become a part of the family and wind up taking over all physical and emotional time and attention.

It is important for fathers to understand that your wife will be obsessed with the baby for the first year or so. It is important for fathers to be aware of this shift and attempt not to take it personal. You will feel left out; however your wife still loves and cares for you even though it doesn’t feel that way as you watch her constantly worry, think about, and only talk about the baby.

It is important for mothers to understand that the baby has many needs, however your husband still needs your time and attention. Make sure you schedule in time and reserve some energy to nurture the relationship with you and your husband. Sometimes you may have to schedule a date night or alone time once a week.

In conclusion, the first year or two will be a time of major transition for a couple when a child is born. What was once a partnership involving two is now ‘living for three”. Be patient with yourself and with your spouse as you go through the new and exciting time in your life.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child’s out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

To Download and listen to my FREE audio recordings visit: http://www.theinhomeparentcoach.com

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Unleash The Parental Leader Within!

Jason Johnson (MSW) has spent many years working with hundreds of challenging toddlers through teenagers diagnosed with A.D.H.D, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, and Bi-polar.

He has worked with children and their families in hospitals, mental health facilities, and he continues to go into client’s homes until this very day. Jason works with boys and girls (ages 2-19) with SEVERE emotional/behavioral issue from various ethnic backgrounds, races, and religions.

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Kids and the Case of the Missing Tree’s

Years ago, we walked a mile to school without batting an eye. Then we walked back home, stopping often at the park to play unattended, unsupervised. After all, it was a park and kids were supposed to play there.

These were assumptions we took so placidly in those safer days before Madeleine McCann and Tori Stafford. The stories of these girls’ terrible abductions remind us that the situation confronting parents and caregivers is totally different in this day and age. Our kids are driven to school in buses and cars. We would think twice about letting them walk home alone, unsupervised. Allowing them to play alone in the park or woods behind the house is unthinkable.

The result is that our children are growing up with less personal contact with the natural world. As Richard Louv says in his book Last Child Out of the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature Deficit Disorder, “Today, kids are aware of the global threats to the environment–but their physical contact, their intimacy with nature, is fading.”

Are We Depriving Our children of a Connection with Nature that is Essential for Positive Growth and Development?

This is the question Louv asks in his book. He makes a strong case for the consequences our children will suffer when deprived of an intimate relationship with the natural world. He makes the case for the growing rise of ADHD, ADD and other behavior problems as a direct consequence of a lack of contact with nature in our children’s lives. Nature Deficit Disorder is showing up as hyperactivity and violence in our society.

He cites studies that show how exposure to natural settings (even for 20 minutes) increases the capacity for attention and focus in children. Students who take a 20 minute walk in the park perform better on tests of memory and attention. Other research studies show that children in public housing who have access to green space perform better emotionally and intellectually than those who do not have such access. Tests also show that just looking at nature can improve test scores.

Investing in Children

Louv insists that time with nature and in nature is an act of investing in our children’s health. It allows them to reconnect with a fundamental part of ourselves that is larger than life and allows them to appreciate the wisdom of cyclical and universal forces.

Take our child hiking as often as we can.

Replace part of our lawn with native plant. Maintain a bird bath.

Have a pebble hunting party in the park or beach.

Build something with the stones and pebbles collected.

Build a tree house or fort in the backyard.

Give our children a pet. It can teach them so much about natural wisdom.

Make a daily Green Hour part of the family tradition.

Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com

How to give your baby pain relievers

]]> http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/09/05/kids-and-the-case-of-the-missing-trees-5/feed/ 0 http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/09/04/solving-playgroup-problems-5/ http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/09/04/solving-playgroup-problems-5/#comments Sat, 04 Sep 2010 02:30:04 +0000 Arkansas Parents http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/09/04/solving-playgroup-problems-5/

Solving Playgroup Problems

Playgroups are social gatherings with moms and their kids, that allow the kids to play with other children around their same age, and moms to socialize. They are often held at the park, or at someone’s home, and can be a lot of fun. Despite the fun involved and the fact that playgroups are sort of a rite of passage for mothers, there are some pitfalls.

One of the pitfalls many mothers recognize with playgroups is that often it is more for the moms than it is for the kids. This often results in the moms socializing and the kids are not being watched as well. Many a parent has gone home from playgroup with a child who has a scratch, a bump, a diaper that has been dirty for a long time, etc. When the moms start talking, they tend to neglect their children. Even if you go as a mom who watches your child well, if other moms are not watching theirs, it can mean your kid gets hit or scratched by someone’s child, and they do not do anything about it. So, if you intend to go to a playgroup, try to find one where the moms will socialize, which is important, but watching kids is the first priority.

Another of the common pitfalls of a playgroup is that it is a prime place for germs to spread. Basically, you can’t control whether or not another mom brings their kid to playgroup sick. In some cases, a mom will crave the social interaction so much that she won’t consider that her child has a cold, had the flu a few days before, or any other illness. This means that your child could be getting sick because someone else did not consider their child’s germs. Because the whole point of a playgroup is to get moms out of the house, and get kids interacting, it often leads to people coming no matter what, with sick kids, with ornery kids, etc. this is not a good situation to put your child into. So, there is a good chance your kid will be at risk. Obviously this is not always the case, and you can find good playgroups where everyone is really respectful of how their child’s health could affect your child’s.

One of the biggest pitfalls of a playgroup is that your child is either going to thrive or drown, there is not much in between. Kids tend to gang up when in larger groups, and your child could be the one being picked on. The problem with playgroups is that generally some kids will thrive, and others will wilt. This is especially true of already shy children. So, if your child is not an aggressive personality, it could actually make them more introverted then they already are. Of course, in some instances a playgroup can help your child to blossom and open up because they are exposed to new things, but you will need to choose your playgroup carefully if you do not want to make your child even less social than they currently are.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com

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Kids and Workouts

Many fathers live a well-rounded healthy lifestyle with regular workouts that involve their kids. First-time dads who think a new baby will interfere with their exercise schedule need not sacrifice their workouts but do need to supplement their parenting skills to include exercising with their kids. The trick here is to come up with kid-friendly routines. These routines are equally rewarding and also help in establishing healthy habits among children.

In an interview to the Associated Press, Heidi Hill, author of Fit Family: The Infant, Toddler and Preschool Years (Vitesse, 2008) explains how parents can hike, bike, run, and even kayak with their kids. Heidi and her husband, Tom have put this into practice by trying out many of these sports with their two daughters, aged 3 and 5 each. ”At the get-go, a lot of it can be miserable. You really have to persevere and know that you’re teaching a lifestyle.”, says Hill.

In the beginning, dads could try to fast walk with a jog stroller or jog alongside their kids as they bike. The key lies in using the right equipment that is not too clunky. A trail-a-bike is a one-wheel option that can be attached to the back of dad’s bike.

Workouts are a great way for dads to bond with their kids. As kids grow older, the positive effects of having family workouts increases exponentially. Dads need to listen to some good parenting advice by self-educating themselves and planning the workout in advance to make the experience fun for the entire family.

Paul Banas is a founder of GreatDad.com. He writes articles on parenting, parenting skills, pregnancy and dads, parenting tips, baby names, baby rooms and many more topics related to dads.

Use the blue bulb from the hospital to clear babies nose

]]> http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/09/01/kids-and-workouts-4/feed/ 0 http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/08/31/use-the-blue-bulb-from-the-hospital-to-clear-babies-nose-6/ http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/08/31/use-the-blue-bulb-from-the-hospital-to-clear-babies-nose-6/#comments Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:00:03 +0000 Arkansas Parents http://parentinghelpinkansas.com/2010/08/31/use-the-blue-bulb-from-the-hospital-to-clear-babies-nose-6/

Use the blue bulb from the hospital to clear babies nose

Make sure she has a healthy body image

Teens have changing bodies, and a lot of pressure to look and be a certain someone. This can be both good and bad, however, in many instances it can take a toll on their personal self image. Teens often have warped body images. The following are some tips for encouraging a healthy body image:

Help them create their own style: In many instances your teen is going to have an unhealthy body image because they see clothes that someone skinnier, or more curvy, or more buff, or taller can wear, and they do not look the same in them. So, help your child love their body by finding clothing and a style that works for them. They are never going to have a positive self image if they are trying to look good in clothes that do not flatter their body.

Do not let them debase themselves: One of the best things you can do for your teen when it comes to their body image is never allow them to put themselves down in your presence. Set firm rules about it. If you hear your teen say they are fat, or that they have ugly freckles, or that they are plain, or that their hair is too stringy, or that their legs are too hairy, or whatever they complain about, stop them dead in their tracks. Anytime you hear your teen say something they do not like about their body, make them tell you five things that they do. They have to know that complaining about their body, and hating themselves is not okay with you. Be strict about it, and be sure to tell them things that you love about them any time you hear them complain.

Talk about what appearance means: When your child is struggling with their body image, it is important to talk to them about what appearance and body image means. Help them to understand that images are different to different people. What one person likes, another may not. Just like you may be more attracted to blondes, than brunettes. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder, so your child needs to stop trying to make themselves look better for others, and simply make their body what will please them. Once your child understand this, body image, and having a more positive feeling about their own body will be easier.

Be a positive role model: If you want your teen to have a positive, healthy, body image, your best means of encouragement is to have one yourself. If your teen constantly hears you talk about dieting, and remaking yourself, wanting a better stomach, or whiter teeth, or whatever it may be, they will start feeling the same way. They will find that no matter what they look like, or how great their body is, it is not good enough. So, be careful to be positive about your own body, and never put yourself down in front of them, or it will give them permission to do the same about their own body. So, encourage a healthy body image through example. If you do not have a healthy body image, then fake it in front of your child.

For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com

Why teach your kids to be patient?

We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.

When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.

For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.

Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.

We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.

As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.

Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com and freelance writer. She maintains her own personal blog at http://emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com as well as one on traditions at http://alastingfoundation.blogspot.com

You can contact Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com

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First five years of being a parent

Providing the child the most optimal environment for developing his foundation for life can be a daunting period. You will not succeed. You will face obstacles seemingly out of your control, violence on TV as well as overwhelming propaganda, the limiting factor of the school system, the child and their piers and your short comings just to name a few.

One thing for sure is the best thing you can equip the child with for living life is for them to get that the measurement of success in life is in the amount of joy experienced. That is the condition the parents can influence their family to pursue. This is the greatest gift that can be instilled in children by any adult.

It is critical in my view that children have the self confidence that is strong enough to overcome the oftentimes brutal effects the institution of forced schooling can have on the child. The range of quality schools varies tremendously and generally speaking there are but a few that are enlightened enough to provide the kind of environment we are discussing here. Compulsitory schooling by nature is limiting not expansive. If a child leaves school with a sense of himself displaying all the confidence and enthusiasm for a satisfying and fulfilling life, the experience was worthwhile. This article isn’t about schools however; it is about providing some insight into the necessity of putting and keeping in place for the first five years of a child life the primary conditions for successful living.

You can not hide your child from all the elements of life that will be encountered, because that is part of life. Surprise will always be there. But you can assist a child in understanding the principles that can enable them to face any experience in a way that leaves them stronger in their sense of who they are, not less. You will make mistakes no matter what you do. And the advice you would give your child when they make a mistake in life will be by the way you handle the mistakes you make with them. For they learn by example. Children learn how ‘be’ by their observation of how others are being, especially their parents. How you ‘be’ matters more than you know.

Remember this, the body is a multi-sensory organism, and even as an infant, it is interpreting of over 400 billion pieces of data per second. That is difficult to comprehend. Based on the conclusions it has made to date, its beliefs and assumptions about life, the brain then is processing one hundred thousand chemicals sending them to the cells of the body. The point is you are incapable of fooling the child in terms of what it is reading in your behavior around them. If you are being inauthentic they will know. Even if they are not capable of reading you intellectually, they will read you emotionally. If the child learns that seeking happiness is the greatest pursuit, they will have learned it because they observed that you lived your life that way.

Okay, here is the good news. If our aim is to be joyful in life, we will have taught our children the most important and fundamental purpose of life. The natural unfolding will be the continuing discovery of what works to have a great life. The child and parent will discover along the way, everything that is necessary to live a life that allows all their dreams to come to pass. Happiness and joy is a state or condition in which freedom, no resistance, and love reign. It obeys the law of attraction as an absolute. It abides by the teaching, ‘do unto others as you would have them to undo you’, but never at the expense of your own happiness in life.

Long before I had my children I remember saying I wasn’t going to raise my mine the way I was raised. Matter of fact I’ve heard quite a few parents utter those words. Age has made me wiser. And for the most part I didn’t, but that didn’t mean that the influence of my own childhood didn’t somehow shape the father I became. No matter how your childhood was for you, it affords you the insight on how you’ll choose to be when you embark on the adventure of parenthood. And of course if you are about to or if you are already raising your children, this is only the beginning. It can and should be the most enjoyable ‘adventure’ of your life. It is kind of an adventure in that you only get to enjoy it as it unfolds. The best advice I could give parents in raising their children is to bring joy to every moment that you possibly can. It is in joy that the child creates the most optimal foundation of self love. Those first five years are so critical, it’s immeasurable.

Of course every year thereafter is critical as well but the child is the deliberate creator of his or her own story. And doing their next five years having become familiar with previous will be of great assistance. A low self esteem plays a difficult burden on the years in front of anyone. If you can be the best parent you can for the first 5 years, no doubt you will have trained yourself long enough to continue being that way. You are only teaching yourself really.

Just another note in this vast topic the most brilliant awareness information I have found for parenting is in the study of the law of attraction. Affirm the best in your child every time you can and find the best interpretations for the rest. Never emphasize apparent fault but look for aspects that work.

If you understand about the power of directing your emotions in a particular kind of way, I invite you to visit and learn about the iCap.

http://www.insightsforworkability.com

Biofeedback has advanced beyond our imagination. You can discover and manage your emotions such as to seek and discover more joy and happiness than you can imagine. And because of the personal computer, the cost is affordable and the advances have been remarkably pleasing.

Stop by when you can.
Leon Cautillo, Author/Instructor

Communicating calmly - parenting 101

Magic Kids: Memphis | Music | Review | The A.V. Club

On their debut LP, Memphis, the obvious Wilson acolytes in Magic Kids take some carefully considered Wall Of Sound cues from Pet Sounds and Smileâ??a more refined take on what the band’s predecessor, The Barbaras, cheekily referred to as …

Athletics Nation Sponsors Kids' First Dodgers Game – Athletics Nation

Athletics Nation sponsored a trip to Dodger Stadium in an effort to expose children from Los Angeles’ Skid Row to the game of baseball.

For Kids With Cancer, Survival Rates Haven't Moved in 20 Years …

Are kids with cancer being dissed by the Feds? That’s the message in an essay published this month in Working Mother magazine by Eugenie Kleinerman, a pediatrician at Houston’s famed MD Anderson cancer center.

Madonna schedules 15-minute appointments with kids | Celebrity …

Madonna’s kids have appointments made to spend time with their superstar mum, according to reports.The Material Girl’s personal assistants are said to.

Teachers Unions Concerned Kids Might Get Bored When Stuck for …

Three years ago, Chicago’s Mayor Richard M. Daley tried to negotiate with the teachers union to extend the school day by 45 minutes. (Chicago kids have.